I have had this title for awhile… So here goes. I don’t have any friends with benefits or a f*** buddy. I never have. Yet for other people, this is nothing. It has happened for them, and will happen again. Is it more prevalent in the gay community or does it exist in the straight community too? (It does if you believe recent romantic comedies).
As a gay man, I long for friendships with other men. Someone I can talk to, hang out with, and share some fun times. Sex has gotten in the way a couple of times — one or the other wanted something more, but the other person didn’t and the friendship fizzled out.
Or we did have sex, and then you think you will be friends with the person at the very least… but that doesn’t happen either. You end up running into that person someplace else, and you both have the feeling “Haven’t I met you before?” Yeah, we had a drunken hook-up at so-and-so’s party…
I am sure straight guys run into the same issues with having female friends. Can a straight guy have a female friend he hasn’t slept with? I’d love to hear from people on this.
I’ve wondered if me being in a relationship has scared off potential friends. Because I am not available, and they want a boyfriend. Maybe there is even mutual attraction, but we know that we can’t act on it, or if we did it wouldn’t be anything more than a temporary fling? I have my life partner.
Also, I know it is sometimes hard being friendly to my partner’s ex’s. Yeah, I know they had sex, and it was in the past, but I wonder if they still want him. And are they being friendly to me just to please him, or do they genuinely like me too.
Recently I have tried to reach out to some past partners… I had fun with them, and I like them as persons. Do they like me too outside of the bedroom? Can my partner handle the friendship, or will he be worried that we will hook up again? What if I want to hook-up again?
Relationships are not easy.. for anyone, gay or straight. They are work… but ultimately they are worth it.
Spice69man is a Los Angeles-based writer and designer. The eBook, A View from the Cheap Seats, can be downloaded from Lulu, Amazon and the iBookstore. It can be read on any computer, smartphone, or tablet.
KiltManinSoCal 
Comments on: "Friends v. F*** Buddies" (2)
Interesting article….I had some friends that became f*** buddies as you wrote….One had an interesting chapter…We used to “play” sometimes. I used to go there for years. I think he was not so beautiful for girls….he was a kind of chubby guy…and I knew since childhood that I was gay. So, we used to play a little bit…Sex, sucking, kissing….but when I became about 17, I wanted something more serious, a commitment. Not only “sex and go”. Once this guy called me to go to his apartment. But he had said that the whole family was there…And I believed….When I arrived there, it was a lie…And then, he started chatting with me and then he tried to kiss me. But the physical attraction, in my opinion, in my heart was over….I remember calling him crazy…saying that I didnt want sex anymore. He almost begged me to stay and said “I am sorry”, over and over…But I got away and never came back. Since then, I never heard about this guy….Hum….actually once I saw him in BH Shopping, a famous shopping center here….He introduced me a pregnant woman and said that she was his wife. I never seen him anymore. And I wonder if he got married to fade his gay chapter or if he wonders now that it was a mistake…I dont know. I know that in my opinion, I did the right thing. Yes, we had fun, we had some sex…but I wanted something more serious. And yes, he was not my type anymore….
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