Views on pop culture through my eyes

Posts tagged ‘lesbian’

What if Your Sexuality Didn’t Matter

With all the amazing advances in the LGBT movement the past couple of years, I was wondering what the future will look like. Do you think we will ever live in a world where your sexuality didn’t matter? It’s an interesting question to ponder.LGBT-Shirt

So when you are growing up and you went to the prom, you could show up with a guy or a girl as your date and no one would bat an eye or call you out for being different. And maybe your could win as favorite couple as guy-guy or girl-girl, and then have your pics in the school newspaper and be celebrated as a cool couple, not just the cool gay couple or the cute straight couple.

A world where your sexuality was no longer assumed to be straight. For myself, and other guys my age, we can attest to this one. I was at the gym a few years back, and one woman commented on my haircut — I had a mohawk at the time. She said something along the lines of “Bet the girls love you with that haircut.” I just agreed with her… when I felt like “How dare you assume that I am straight?” In this world I am describing the woman would instead say, “Bet your partners love you with that haircut.”

You hear more and more young LGBT people say they were never in the closet. That is fantastic. I hope that we come to live in a world where people can just be — be the amazing people they were destined to be without any preconceived notions about who they should or should not be dating/sleeping/living with.

To live in a world where you didn’t have to change pronouns for who you were dating — be it with your family, friends, coworkers, etc. I am lucky such that when I got married my husband, my friends from work threw me a big wedding shower. And at the ceremony I had family members and friends there.

I look forward to a world where your sexuality doesn’t matter. In this political climate, let’s keep fighting for that to happen.

KiltManinSoCal is a Los Angeles-based writer and designer. Be sure to check out the latest T-Shirts for sale here, including Marriage Equality and Real Men Wear Kilts lines. They make great gifts for friends, family and loved ones.



Why Are People So Afraid of Gay Couples?

Recently Michigan ruled in favor of marriage equality. But like many other states, the ruling has been stayed pending an appeal. But before the weddings were stopped, several hundred same-sex couples were able to get married. And from everything I see, the first ones getting married were long-term couples.

Partners 2013

Partners 2013

So why does it seem that people are afraid of this? Marriage equality will one day be the norm in this country. It is only a matter of when. So instead of being on the right side of history, these states have decided to waste their taxpayer’s dollars on appeals to stop gay marriage from happening. At best, these states are just delaying things. They are not going to win.

What I see — when I see all these same-sex couples lined up for marriage licenses is — LOVE. I see happy people, wanting to commit to their partners. I see families that are being strengthened. I see joy, excitement and huge smiles. I see a segment of society that has been marginalized for far too long, getting some respect. Just like straight people, gays and lesbians are celebrating their love by getting married when they are able to. I see myself here.

While some celebrate, another segment of society is scared and afraid of this development. I just don’t get it. Who are you to deny someone else’s happiness? Who made you judge and jury? And the moral compass for all society?

Again, I want to know how these haters are being harmed by someone they don’t know getting married to a person of the same sex? I get that people have their religious objections to same-sex marriage. But wouldn’t your time be better spent praying for these people than by passing/trying to hold on to outdated laws/rules?

Maybe these people are stuck in bad straight marriages, and want to deny other people happiness, because they are not happy in their own lives. Maybe they are secretly gay themselves, and not yet accepting of their inclination. Maybe it makes them feel superior over others that they don’t understand.

I live my life as an open book. And when people find out that I have been in a relationship for over 25 years with the same man, people are shocked. You see, gay people can and do have long-term relationships. I wish I knew that when I was coming out, but I didn’t. I had the impression that I was going to be living a lonely life filled with a bunch of meaningless hook-ups. Boy, was I gladly wrong! I have found someone to share my life with, and we are as strong as we ever were.

We are looking forward to our wedding in the near future.

KiltManinSoCal is a Los Angeles-based writer and designer. Be sure to check out the latest T-Shirts for sale here, including Marriage Equality and Real Men Wear Kilts lines. They make great gifts for friends, family and loved ones.

Catholics and Marriage Equality — A Personal Perspective

I was born and raised a Catholic. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. The last few years have been challenging as far as being a gay Catholic.shutterstock_135491960

All over the media you kept hearing story after story of negative things: priests, bishops and cardinals saying they wouldn’t serve communion to those that support marriage equality, teachers being fired from Catholic schools for being gay or getting married to their same-sex partners, churches asking volunteers to step down from their duties because of their same-sex marriage. Gay Catholics were made to feel as it they didn’t belong here, that we weren’t wanted in the church.

I definitely felt that way. That is why I exiled myself away from the church for almost a year. I love the friends I have made at the church. I know that there is a difference between what is said in Rome (or by the higher ups in the church) and what is said at my home parish. I have never heard a negative word coming from the parish itself and the message that is preached is one of love and acceptance.

Polls show that Catholics themselves as a group are more in favor of marriage equality than not. I read an article recently on the web, the headline was “The Catholic Church is not Homophobic, but are it’s Bishops?”. I have to wonder if this is true.

When I was coming out and struggling with my sexuality, the therapist I was seeing encouraged me to talk to a priest. He set up a meeting with one priest in the valley. I met with him, and he told me the church’s teachings on gays. The basic message was one of love and acceptance for the gay person. The main issue of contention is the sex issue. Hence the phrase, love the sinner — hate the sin.

Some of my Catholic friends have gotten all excited about what Pope Francis has said regarding gay people. His comments are refreshing. But I am not jumping up and down yet, like some of my friends. Bottom line is nothing really has changed. He just said that we should focus much less on divisive issues like same-sex marriage and abortion and more about being of service and helping the poor.

My relationship of 25 years is a beautiful thing. Yes, we are intimate. Sexuality is a gift from God, and I am grateful that I get to share it with a loving partner. No priest, politician or family member can tell me that my relationship is not valid. Sex is a part of our relationship. Get over it people! We plan on getting married later this year.

So where do things stand for me and the church? Well, let’s say I am open to hearing more. I will always be connected to the church in some way, whether through friends or family. My personal relationship with God transcends what any church can define. He is in my corner and watching out for me.

A few more things… I can’t see how the Advocate named Pope Francis the person of the year. That was going way too far. Just this past week, the UN condemned the Vatican and their handling of the sex abuse scandals. And yet another story of a lesbian being denied communion at her own mother’s funeral too hit the internet. The Catholic Church needs to listen to their people. And make some changes. But I am not going to sit by and wait for them to happen.

KiltManinSoCal is a Los Angeles-based writer and designer. Be sure to check out the latest T-Shirts for sale here, including Marriage Equality and  Real Men Wear Kilts lines. They make great gifts for friends, family and loved ones.

The Fight Over Gay Marriage


So much has already been written on this subject. I have wondered what I could say that would be any different than what others have said. Here’s my take on the issue:

I have been in a relationship with a man for 23 years. He is my life partner, lover and best friend. We met when we were both going to a Young Men’s Rap Group at the Gay & Lesbian Center in Hollywood. He was 16 when I first met him and I was 20. We weren’t friends, so much as acquaintances. We didn’t start going out until about 5 years later. I had broken up with my old boyfriend and he asked a mutual friend for my number. The rest is history as they say.Dan & Rasheed

Has it been all sunshine and rainbows? Absolutely not. We are two very different people from different backgrounds, not to mention the interracial dynamic too. But we have made it work because we love each other and know how to communicate with each other.

When gay marriage became available to us in 2008 (in California due to a court case), we were both taken aback at first. It was like “Wow! Didn’t see this coming!” We talked about getting married, and even argued about it. I wanted us to have a nice celebration with out friends and family, one that would take some planning and money. He was more open to the idea of just going to the courthouse. Plus there were issues with what it really meant, did there have to be something more to it, or was loving each other enough? And then what sort of spiritual component would there be to it.


The Gray Area

I’ve never been with a woman. I am a gay man and have only been with guys. Friends that are older than me, got married, had kids and then came out later in life. They say getting married is what was expected of them at the time. The younger generations hopefully have a lot less hang ups about sex and sexuality than I or the older generations have.The Gray Area

Sexuality is a lot more gray than people probably want to admit. But women are much more open about this fact than guys are. I remember I worked with this guy I thought was cute. He had 7 earrings, wore stylish clothes and had a trendy haircut. I wondered if he was gay. But I often heard him putting down the guys who wore Speedos down at the pool we could see from our office building. I also heard him talking about girls to another of our co-workers. Years later, I was told that he was bisexual. He wasn’t open about that! Why is that?


Masculine and Feminine

We all have traits of both of them in each of us. I have met some very queeny straight guys over the years, and some very butch lesbians too. As for me, I am me… I used to worry that I was too this or too that…. Now I just live my life.

Traits typically associated with masculinity include: strength, hard working, insensitive, protector, provider, even violence. Typical female traits are nurturing, sensitivity, family, vulnerability, even weakness. Aren’t you glad we all have both to varying degrees?


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