Views on pop culture through my eyes

It is amazing all the inroads that gay rights and marriage equality have had in the last few years. We are seeing that gay and lesbian people are everywhere. But where are the bisexuals, specifically the men?Bisexuality_300

For years, women have been very open about having had sexual experiences/attractions to other women. Everything from Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” to Anna Paquin’s confession that she is a bisexual. Singer Frank Ocean didn’t come out as gay, but admitted he fell in love with a man cause he didn’t want to be defined as gay. Clive Davis is another guy who came out as bisexual… good for him. And this past week, director Bryan Singer has come out as bisexual, after being defined as gay for many years.

With more openness in society, I believe there are going to be a lot less hang-ups about being gay or having same-sex attractions. I can see more people exploring their sexuality, as opposed to being defined by one thing.

There are several reasons why we are not yet seeing more openly bi-males. Men are supposed to be strong, and masculine. They are supposed to be dominant. Being gay may be seen as a weakness… like you are less of a man because you are. That some how you are more feminine because of it. If you talk to most gay men, they enjoy being men, and don’t want to be women. Society is still hung up on the old ideals of the 50’s guy…

Society in general is afraid of male sexuality is another reason. When a woman admits to having had same-sex attractions or interactions, she is seen as exciting, exotic… maybe a bit dangerous. Straight guys would be intrigued by her. Where as if a guy admitted it, he would be seen as damaged goods by a number of people. That’s why I said it was a big deal when a guy admitted he had had sex with a man on “The Real World” in Season 28. I had never seen someone be so forthcoming with it.

Hollywood has been selling the idea of bisexual females for years… on nighttime dramas like “Grey’s Anatomy” and “The OC”. I already mentioned Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” and then add in bits like the Madonna-Britney smooch from a few years prior and you get the idea: Bisexual females can be hot. Where are the bi-male equivalents? Is it because Hollywood is still very much a man’s town, and a bisexual/lesbian female is a hot fantasy for a lot of straight guys?

As for me, I know that I am gay. But hey, I have watched and enjoyed straight porn. Does that make me bi? I don’t think so. But one day, I hope people can talk about their weekend, and not be judged by who they went on a date with — guy or girl.

KiltManinSoCal is a Los Angeles-based writer and designer. Be sure to check out the latest T-Shirts for sale here, including Marriage Equality and Real Men Wear Kilts lines. They make great gifts for friends, family and loved ones.

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Comments on: "When are Men Going to be Honest about Bisexuality?" (5)

  1. I don’t know about other bi men… but I’ve been right here and bisexual before it became a social issue. I have nothing against gay people or the way they choose to live their lives but, yeah, a lot of bi guys – including myself – don’t ever want to be seen as gay; it’s insulting and, importantly, inaccurate… but unless you’ve been living under a rock all your life, you know how some gay men are treated and there are those of us who would rather not subject ourselves to that same prejudicial treatment.

    Sure, there are a lot of celebrities coming out as bi – good for them! Still, while it does raise more awareness about bisexuality, just because some famous person comes out as bi means it’s an indication or even incentive for other bisexuals to come out… and I don’t know why there are folks who feel that we should follow their lead on this. When I hear or read about some celeb coming out, two thoughts pop into my head: Good for them and their coming out has nothing to do with me. One, because I’ve been out before some of them were even born and, two, I don’t live my life based on what famous people do.

    People look at my bisexuality and shake their heads and, early on, that used to bother me – but now it doesn’t and more so since some of the people giving me the fish eye for being bi are into stuff that I would never do; it’s the pot calling the kettle black and I don’t have time for such immature behavior on their part. Yes, they have the right to their opinion… but they should go tell it to someone who gives a damn – and I don’t.

    It’s my life and I get to choose how I’m going to live it and my bisexuality is a part of that. You’ll never see me at a LGBTQ convention or stuff like that but I am bisexual and proud of it and I do not hide.

    • KDaddy23,
      Thanks for the comment to my blog, and for the full response on your own blog. I appreciate your honesty. You are the first openly bisexual guy I have met. I have never heard the phrase “You don’t give someone a stick to beat you with.” What I have found is that people can often surprise you. There have been more than a few times when I expected the absolute worst from telling people about my sexuality, only to be pleasantly surprised by how supportive they have been. Celebrities coming out is fine, but what is really winning people over is the guy or girl next door being honest and telling their stories. So, you don’t want to march in the LGBT pride parade. That is your choice. But in the past 25 years, I have seen a bisexual contingent go from nothing to a sizable group in the LA Parade. I hope there comes a day when kids can just be themselves… gay, straight, bi, etc. and all that matters is your character and integrity, not your sexuality. I don’t go around screaming “I’m gay.” I just live my life. And my life has gotten better, since I have been honest with myself along with friends and family.

      • People do surprise you with their acceptance; we always hope for the best but expect the worst. I agree that one’s character and integrity are what’s important but as a bisexual, sometimes I get judged solely on that and while I’ve come to expect it, I also have to work hard not to laugh in their faces because I know the stuff coming out of their mouth isn’t the truth about ME.

        I will gladly tell my stories of how I came to be bisexual and the things I’ve learned along the way because, as I’ve been saying here lately, if you wanna know about bisexuals, ask one and stop guessing and assuming.

  2. guy.hubbard@att.net said:

    An extremely interesting, fascinating and expansive topic, Dan. Have you checked Kinsey on this topic?

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