I’m Gay and I Pray

I was born and raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school for 13 years. I was baptized, had my first communion and confirmation. I went to church every Sunday.

As an adult, I have continued my relationship with God. But I have found there is a big difference between religion and spirituality. I have also had to make peace with sexuality and the church. I was made to feel there was something wrong with me because I was gay. I prayed and prayed for God to change me. The more research and life experience I had I came the conclusion that I was born this way. There was nothing wrong with me! Being gay is a gift from God.

I hate the fact that the Religious Right has soiled/perverted the word “Christian” — to me, they are anything but. God is Love, love for all mankind: We are all equal: man, woman, gay, straight, married or not, rich or poor, white, black, hispanic, asian, etc. God loves all of us. Yet the religious right wants us to feel otherwise — that some of us are better than others.

When the Prop. 8 campaign was happening in California in 2008, my partner and I joined in the fight to keep gay marriage in the state. We did a lot of phone calls, plus we stood on a street corner and waved signs for the cause. The “Christians” we encountered during this time are some of the most hateful persons I have ever dealt with. I was told I was going to hell, that I was sick/perverted, that they wanted to murder us, and they wished that I would die. All of this because I love somebody of the same sex.

Letting Go of the Past

It is never an easy thing to do. But it is a necessity with life. We may not understand why things have happened to us in our lives: why we lost a job, a relationship didn’t work out, a good friend fades out of your life, a loved one dies suddenly. Life sucks sometimes…but we need to move on. We need to let go to move forward.

For a long time, I had an issue with friends coming into and out of my life. I thought a lot about it all and wondered why things didn’t seem to turn out like I wanted them to. Some background is needed here. Two of the best friends I have had in my life are no longer in my life, one is dead and the other is alive somewhere, just not my friend anymore. My friend, Damon, died of AIDS over 12 years ago. He was one of the first friends I made at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. We had a lot of laughs and good times, plus many heart to hearts. I miss talking to him…but I am glad that I knew him. The other friend, Joe, was my friend from high school, the first one that I came out to. We were friends through college and beyond, then we just seemed to fall apart. He moved around, his marriage fell apart, and he flaked on me a few times. I even confronted him about it, asking him if he wanted to end the friendship. He said No… well, his actions spoke louder than his words. I haven’t spoken to him in 10 years or more…